~Never Tell Me The Odds~Dream a Little Dream of Me~You are my Sunshine~
Future MD. Present Crazy Cat Lady. Proficient in Sarcasm. Queen of Awkward Silences. Inappropriate-Timed Laugher. Proud Nerd. Lover of Weirdness. Narcissistic Photo-Vomiter.
The Quirkiest Person You Shall Ever Encounter.
Senior year hasn’t been bad (although today completes only my first week…) but DAMN these 830a M/W/F and 8a T/TH are killin’ me already.
So, not only did I wake up super tired since I stayed up way too late last night and went to bed in a bad mood since I bickered with my parents, but I woke up to rain today. The skies are dark and everything outside is soaked. I’m not a heat person and it’s also uber warm today. Plus, I’m pessimistic about whether or not I was approved for my car loan which I may be receiving a call from the bank for today and won’t be home for—the reason I bickered with my parents last night. Oh, and did I mention I had a date yesterday which I chickened out on? ‘Cuz I also feel bad about that, and making any plans with anyone feels impossible lately. I’m still poor and this Summer is still too dreary. And once again all I can do is complain…so, yeah.
I should work on that.
I feel like everything crashed down on me throughout today. I realized the following:
1) I have about a year before I go to medical school which means I need my own car.
2) I don’t have money for a car.
3) I considered a loan, but I probably won’t get approved since I have no credit.
4) I have MCATs in a couple months.
5) I have classes in about 2 weeks.
6) My paychecks are pathetic.
7) I can’t afford tuition and transferring would put me more credits behind.
8) I’m 4 credits behind from failing math sophomore year.
9) I need to take a summer course.
10) Summer courses are $1,200 a pop and I need 2 (probably).
11) I don’t have the money for summer courses.
12) The help my Grandma provided isn’t even scratching the surface.
13) I need new glasses.
14) I can’t afford new glasses.
15) I still need money for some books.
16) I don’t have money for books.
17) I’m going insane…
No matter how much research I do, I feel unprepared for everything. I’m tired. I’m hopeless. I don’t feel pretty today. I don’t feel wanted or needed. I am broke-ass poor. I’m miserable…and all I can talk about is ME!!!! Even I’m driving myself crazy.
Maybe I’ll just change my major or drop-out of college or take a year off like everyone else that was supposed to be here with me. It’s hard to feel good about progress you’re making when nobody seems to think any of it is worth sticking around for.
AND EVERYONE AROUND ME IS HAPPY.
You all make me sick. Bleh.